ACTUAL HEADLINES, collected by someone in Hong Kong with too much time on his or her hands...

 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House

 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

 9. Stud Tires Out

 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

 11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

 13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

 14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

 15. Eye Drops off Shelf

 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

 17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

 21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

 22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

 23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

 24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

 26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

 27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

 28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

 29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

 30. War Dims Hope for Peace

 31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

 32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

 35. Deer Kill 17,000

 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

 38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

 39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

 41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

 42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

 43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

 49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

 50. Air Head Fired

 51. Steals Clock, Faces Time

 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

 53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn

 54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

 57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

 58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
 


EC/ODE HOMEPAGE